dug this out and am posting this in the hope it'll help: Life is not a rose. It is a pair of Levis long-lasting, enduring through falls, storms and sunny days. And yet, even after 10, 20, 30 years, they are still appreciated and sought after, and sometimes much more valuable than they once were. Witness the 300 dollar Levis sold in trendy thrift stores nationwide... To give this metaphor stretch-marks, I will now conclude that my four years here have been like a pair of Levis. Perhaps this is true, and perhaps it is not. What is truth, however, is this: Out of all the falls, storms, and sunny days I have had over these past four years, emerges a different person than the one who came a stuck eyed freshman four years ago. Am I the better for it? I do not know. What I do know is that I am reformed inside and out. Why? I discovered here that God is not a God who resides in Jupiter, making his own crumpets and tea, stirring up philosophies to ponder in his isolated state. God is real, here, and demands our attention. And when I fall/fail, God`s beautiful love and grace lift me back up so that I may try again. And that is why I am more valuable for it. For in weakness I have been made strong. Joshua 13:33 states that God did not give the tribe of Levi any wordly inheritances because "the Lord, the God of Israel, [was] their inheritance". The above is a difficult concept for me to reconcile: There exists an immeasurable gap between what my mind believes, and what my heart desires. Hopefully with time, the size of this crevice will diminish. Three years ago I ended an intense friendship, convicted that the move was God`s will. As a result, I found myself beginning a new year heartbroken in a dorm where I felt uncomfortable and isolated. I took on 21 unit schudules, a TA position, and leadership positions to keep my mind and time occupied. The problem was, even though I had ended the relationship, it lived on in my heart. That, coupled with my living circumstances and difficult workload just about killed me. There were so many nights when I laid wrestling with God, bitterly asking why my act for his sake resulted in heartbreak and frustration. Many times, I believed he was silent. But it was during the times where my sanity just about gave in that I felt strength channeling in me. Strength from God, as is only possible through him. The verse I breathed and lived by that year was Second Corinthians 4:16-18: Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. Through my experiences, I gained perspective and found the meaning of life. To vocalize it is deceptively simple: Glorify God. I had lost what I loved the most, but magnified exponentially my relationship with God. For the first time, I saw him speaking to me through Bible verses, and for a while, it blew me away. My junior year ended tremendously- my grades were great, I met my closest friends, and I was on a spiritual high. I cannot say that from then on my life was roses. Summer blustered through, and with senior year, resulted in a new set of challenges. There are still nights when I ask myself- was it worth it? And that, I do not know. My mind says yes, but my heart? My heart does not know. But one thing I am sure of- until I find the answer, I will press on in faith, putting my trust in Him. 6/2001 Stanford University posted by testimonies 10:50 AM Add a comment . . .
