the break room smells like indian food...
thanks to me! puahahahaha

i have been feeling quite uninspired as of late, but at the same time am craving a change to the page (plus, i don't want to tempt a certain someone with the last posting.... =P)
as a compromise, i think i'll post something i wrote last year...inextricably linked to the last one

take two

I.

cross-step waltzing, partner-less,
arms straight
extending expectant hands,
palming hope

blackness obstructs like soot
mixed with tar, but less grainy,
obstructs, obfuscates
                    eyes
                            ears

from which originate
veins to heart-
shaped wire whitewashed garden-
seat of the soul

ends of each vein,
desperately, despondently dilated,
they swell, quenched symphonic
by slight tinkles of laughter
drizzling down windowpanes:

it is a rhythmic security,

a friend in the dark.

II.

warmth of sunlight
causes
remains of Kant, printed immortal
to be exposed to 20 minutes of dust

warmthlessness in dark,
a baton signifying north and south,
changes directions
each time the cadet twirls.

even so,
light grazes shadowed cheeks,
magnetized and drawn
transforming harsh desk lamps
and searing light
into fireworks barely diffused into the night

like Jupiter
in a coffee cup.

gaseous planet emits
bean steam every morning at 6 o’clock
wafting from choo choo train engines from the 1860’s

brushes against forehead,
                        eyes,
                            ears
until,
unkissable cheeks kissed.

a lesson:
earmuffs, like
thick plastic
covering rumbling windowless vehicle windows
protect body heat
lost through
ears, much like

the exiting warmth from my soul-
british toy soldiers, marching in warm, yellow light shining forty- five degrees upwards,
away from my heart
the hypotenuse of a right triangle

cascading heat emitted from the desk lamp
southerly deadlocks
toy soldier pomp and circumstance

stops

Returns.

posted by testimonies 12:58 PM

. . .

it's so weird how honey nut cheerios are so much less sweet without milk. and milk is so bland, it's surprising how it really brings out the taste. i did this experiment where i used water instead of milk and voila, absolute nastiness! i wonder why. i guess it really is something intrinsic to milk, rather than just any liquid. milkmilkmilkmilkmilk. yummers.

now i want some ice cream.

posted by testimonies 4:54 PM

. . .

blah. i take that back. it keeps telling me i have new mail, and i get all excited, but when i finally check it, sorry, nope, there's nothing there =(

posted by testimonies 4:15 PM

. . .

yay =) i'm so excited about the new yahoo mail format. it's so cute! =)

posted by testimonies 3:58 PM

. . .

It is Well With My Soul

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

Refrain

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

Refrain

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

Refrain

But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord!
Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!

Refrain

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

Refrain

http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/i/t/itiswell.htm

posted by testimonies 10:28 AM

. . .

somewhere on sacramento street is a room, cozy and happy, warmed by the purples and yellows of freshly cut irises. these breaths of life, hand delivered by a bonbon that encapsulates sunshine, joyously adorn the desk of a very blessed girl.
thanks woman, you're the best! =)

posted by testimonies 10:02 PM

. . .

he: Can I buy you a drink?
she: Actually I'd rather have the money.

lol

posted by testimonies 10:22 AM

. . .

scary: in what the bible is all about, henrietta mears observes "Often God allows us to go through life denied the one thing we wish more than anything else. But we should be comforted in this that whom God loves, He chastens. If He grinds down the surface of our lives, it is that the stone may shine the more brilliantly. The many facets of the diamond are what make it dazzling. Know that the greater the suffering in this world, the greater the glory in heaven..." (pg 624)

i don't know that i'm there yet...

posted by testimonies 9:52 PM

. . .

ok i am such a sucker for good packaging...i just bought a bag because it's cute...

posted by testimonies 3:24 PM

. . .

sometimes i feel as if i can be so melodramatic, and i question why...is there something inherently beautiful in the idea of loss, in the ideal of the irreplacable? that stories such as those give a hope that there is something out there that is whole, pure, and so singular to each person that upon discovering it they cannot help but to become enrapturously entwined in passion?

eeks. maybe being confined in this cube has made me looney.

posted by testimonies 2:26 PM

. . .

feeling especially blessed right now... =)

posted by testimonies 2:13 PM

. . .

walking home from the restaurant today, i passed by a little girl who squeaked just like a rubber toy! it was so cute...kids can be so cute =)

posted by testimonies 7:55 PM

. . .

BOY oh boy am i excited...i think i may be able to leave at FIVE today!!!! how great is that?! MAN. =)

i started consuming a roll of lifesavers yesterday, yummy! i haven't eaten lifesavers in like years. i was kinda sad though, they gypped me out of an orange one, which makes me sad. i don't like the white or green ones, so i savor all the red, orange, and yellow ones i can get, in that order =)

man. the profundity of this entry is just killing me =P

posted by testimonies 3:32 PM

. . .

from a meeting this morning:

manager: the reason a cannot be used for b is because a and b are different, and you cannot compare apples to oranges.
me: o. how are they different?
manager: well one is an apple and the other is like an orange.
me speaking to him silently: oh brilliant then, that just made everything crystal clear

posted by testimonies 5:26 PM

. . .

trea·cle
n.
1. Cloying speech or sentiment.
2. Chiefly British. Molasses.
3. A medicinal compound formerly used as an antidote for poison.

finally! i've been trying to figure out what this word means for the past four days =)

posted by testimonies 6:40 PM

. . .

sigh the Corporation has sunk to an all time low. i went to the kitchen to heat up my rice filled gyro thing, only to see that gasp! there were no paper plates to put in the microwave!! so i had to use a piece of coffee filter paper instead sigh
that and they discontinued providing us with free milk =(

posted by testimonies 1:35 PM

. . .

dug this out and am posting this in the hope it'll help:

Life is not a rose. It is a pair of Levis long-lasting, enduring through falls, storms and sunny days. And yet, even after 10, 20, 30 years, they are still appreciated and sought after, and sometimes much more valuable than they once were. Witness the 300 dollar Levis sold in trendy thrift stores nationwide...

To give this metaphor stretch-marks, I will now conclude that my four years here have been like a pair of Levis. Perhaps this is true, and perhaps it is not. What is truth, however, is this: Out of all the falls, storms, and sunny days I have had over these past four years, emerges a different person than the one who came a stuck eyed freshman four years ago. Am I the better for it? I do not know. What I do know is that I am reformed inside and out. Why? I discovered here that God is not a God who resides in Jupiter, making his own crumpets and tea, stirring up philosophies to ponder in his isolated state.

God is real, here, and demands our attention. And when I fall/fail, God`s beautiful love and grace lift me back up so that I may try again.

And that is why I am more valuable for it. For in weakness I have been made strong.

Joshua 13:33 states that God did not give the tribe of Levi any wordly inheritances because "the Lord, the God of Israel, [was] their inheritance".

The above is a difficult concept for me to reconcile: There exists an immeasurable gap between what my mind believes, and what my heart desires. Hopefully with time, the size of this crevice will diminish.

Three years ago I ended an intense friendship, convicted that the move was God`s will. As a result, I found myself beginning a new year heartbroken in a dorm where I felt uncomfortable and isolated. I took on 21 unit schudules, a TA position, and leadership positions to keep my mind and time occupied.

The problem was, even though I had ended the relationship, it lived on in my heart. That, coupled with my living circumstances and difficult workload just about killed me. There were so many nights when I laid wrestling with God, bitterly asking why my act for his sake resulted in heartbreak and frustration. Many times, I believed he was silent.

But it was during the times where my sanity just about gave in that I felt strength channeling in me. Strength from God, as is only possible through him. The verse I breathed and lived by that year was Second Corinthians 4:16-18:

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Through my experiences, I gained perspective and found the meaning of life. To vocalize it is deceptively simple: Glorify God.

I had lost what I loved the most, but magnified exponentially my relationship with God. For the first time, I saw him speaking to me through Bible verses, and for a while, it blew me away. My junior year ended tremendously- my grades were great, I met my closest friends, and I was on a spiritual high.

I cannot say that from then on my life was roses. Summer blustered through, and with senior year, resulted in a new set of challenges.

There are still nights when I ask myself- was it worth it? And that, I do not know. My mind says yes, but my heart? My heart does not know. But one thing I am sure of- until I find the answer, I will press on in faith, putting my trust in Him.


6/2001
Stanford University

posted by testimonies 10:50 AM

. . .

i get to go home soon! YAY! =)

posted by testimonies 4:52 PM

. . .

one engineer's way of describing singleness:
i am in binary mode and can never hit the number 2.

hey! i have three m&m's left- blue, yellow, and green where
blue+yellow=green!!

oops. i ate it in the wrong order...oh well.

posted by testimonies 4:51 PM

. . .